marr I age

Why does every mother in the world makes her son feel like HE IS THE ONE or rather HE IS THE ONLY ONE. Not that I am complaining or anything, it actually feels ‘good’ feeling, to be frank. And I am sure all the moms are the same. Sweet….I must say!

I was actually in the middle of some work the other day and my mom comes in and tells me (or rather makes me realize) that I am about to complete a quarter of a century on this planet! Shocked, Surprised, Taken aback – some of the words to describe my situation at my mom’s sudden revelation (although known to me too) I ask her, “SO??”
I knew where this was going to go. She has practically never spoken about my ‘it’ (read: marriage) ever with me but today was a different day I guess!

Chapter 1: The Indian point of view
My mom had just spoken to her brothers & other family members and I knew brain washing had been done. Typical Indian stuff! I find all this so funny sometimes, am not against marrIage though, in any which ways, arranged OR otherwise, presuming there are only two ways to ‘it’. Tell me if there are more. So the discussion went ahead. I, as a nice son, gave a positive nod to the idea of marrIage , thinking the discussion was over for the time being. But my mom was there to prove me wrong. She was visibly happy with my response and at that very point grabbed the phone and started calling ‘selected’ family members asking them to find me a so-called suitable match!!!

I was visibly speechless and this is just the start of the dialogue.

Chapter 2: The Ladki dekhna – Ladka dekhna phenomenon
My mom’s ‘shaadi ke barey mein soch’ attitude, is encouraged, in a way cos’ of my friends. Most of them are married. The unmarried ones are getting conscious that they are not married (yet) so they’ve started the so called ‘ladki dekhna’ procedure. I sometimes this system is so weird. I know that the times are changing and all but still, this seems to be THE Indian way. Ladki dekho, paanch mint vaarta-laap karo and that’s it; its more of a business relationship than a marriage. Some (even I do) would argue that this may be the traditional way but it still is very much prevalent. Its hypocrisy all the way. I’ve seen cases where in parents are love-married but their children have to go thru the ladki dekho – ladka dekho procedure. Hypocrisy at its peak. Even though their children have chosen someone on their own but just cos he/she is from some other caste n crap, things don’t go down well with the parents. And hence ladki dekhna – ladka dekhna procedure, in most cases, whether one likes it or not.

Chapter 3: Choice marriage
As one of my friend points out, “it should not be called arranged marriage; it should be called CHOICE marriage.” Believe you me, just cos he is a guy, based in an orthodox (ya I know, not many would agree) India can he pass such a strong statement. And this again is his point of view. What he means is just an extension of Chapter 2. I actually went ahead and asked some of my other friends (male, female, married & committed, married & not committed, single & unmarried, committed to one, committed to many, single for life and others) on what do they think of ‘marriage’. Guys’ve more choice than girls, all agreed on this point. However affluent, broad-minded family you come from, this was a fact that could not be ignored. Choice marriage was a very raw and a demeaning phrase, the womankind said. I tend to agree with them here. And at the same time, some guys seemed to love it and in today’s context even the girls loved it.

Chapter 4: Friends’ diary
SHE is 25, sexy, earning good enough to sustain her so called lavish lifestyle in one of the cosmopolitan cities of India and is into her third relationship. She is short-tempered, has a factory of tears inside her, is very possessive (still ironically broad-minded), doesn’t like her (so called) boy friend talking to some objectionable (in her book) girls. She is someone who lives her own life, in her own way barring a few times when I think her guy influences and I am sure it is the other way round too. She doesn’t want to marry for years to come but still wants her relationship to continue! And yes, she calls herself ‘commitment-phobic’….but I know she is not.
Her views on marriage: “Waste of time!”

HE is 26, single, into his family business, afraid of society (in a sense that he doesn’t even smoke a cigarette in a radius of 3kms of his home!), more than his parents he is afraid of his parents’ friends seeing him smoking. Before he joined his dad’s business, he served an organization for 2 years in one of India’s metro cities. He has had his share of temporary relationships, one night stands (read: too many). But But But, now he is back home with his family and he is a changed man completely (except smoking). He does not look at any girl, eye to eye.
His views on marriage: “I can/will only marry a girl my family chooses. It won’t matter if my family chooses business gain as a bridge for my marriage. The ‘Indian society system’ scares me the most and that’s why I choose to be this way. I am not complaining though as I know my family will choose the best for me.”

SHE is 25, beautiful, single, earns well, lives in one of the BPO/KPO cities of India. She was in India, went abroad, got into a serious relationship and eventually was officially engaged. The next thing I hear is that the engagement is broken n so was she. So heartbroken was she that she left everything and came back to India, just bcos that country made her feel worse. I can imagine. I haven’t been to Delhi since last one year! Now she is back, has a good job but the pain is not gone. She hates to be in a relationship now. Cries at any hour of the day. Sadness has creeped inside her.
Her view on marriage: “Its just to fulfill ones physical needs. I actually see no reason why one should marry. I’ve seen couples only fighting all the times, in my own family (sadly) or otherwise. I, myself will have to be thoroughly convinced to marry anyone, now that I have gone thru the worst.”

HE is 25, was always single (till now that is) This guy never got into any relationship, not that he couldn’t, just that he chose not to. Not bcos his family would have opposed, just that he chose not to. Not that he is gay, just that he chose not to. Not that he never socializes, just that he chose not to. He is any parents’ delight. Whatever dad says, I’ll do that only. So when his parents chose a girl for him, he instantly fell in love with her! It’s already been 5 months to his courtship and in another 3 months time he’ll be married. I wish it was this easy!
His views on marriage: “Although I am not married yet, (and I can’t even tell you how excited I am) in my opinion, marriage is something everyone should go thru. Its already so beautiful, he says, even before I am married, imagine after the marriage. Maybe that is cos this is my first ever encounter with a female on ‘that’ level. But whatever it is, I am madly in love”.

HE is 28, single (was in a relationship though, long back), has a business of his own. Well qualified n stuff. As far as my sources could tell, this guy has gone thru the ‘ladki-dekhna’ process atleast 8 times. But here is where the difference lies. He was the one not chosen in all cases except one, where he disagreed for. So, its not always that the guy has choice all the time. Is he frustrated? YES. Is he angry? YES. Is he upset (with the womankind)? YES. And I guess all the YESs are only bcos of what he has gone thru.
His view on marriage: “Its only bcos of my parents that I am not killing all the girls of this world, I simply wish I could”.

SHE is 26, chirpy, beautiful. I was the common link between these two; this girl and her ex-guy. Their relationship lasted for 4 healthy years. In the end, things dint ‘work out’ and so came the end of it all. She was broken. He was broken. She used to tell me her side of pain and he used to hide his side of pain. After a year of their break-up (I so hate this word) she got engaged and eventually married to a guy of her parents’ choice. Though, I always thought that she is never going to commit herself to anyone now, looking at her state of affairs. Am glad she proved me wrong.
Her views on marriage: “Rocking and peaceful at the same time. It all depends on the RIGHT kind of person you choose. In a ways its good that one gets to use the power of choice or the power of parents’ choice in the case of an (arranged) life partner. I am thankful that my parents chose my husband as the guy for me. We are happy and our 4 month old kid is a living proof.”

..and finally..here's wishing my ex (i hate dis word..its so demeaning) pots of luck. She just got engaged last week. She deserves d best (she had me for 6 yrs;) and I hope she has d best..!